by Tad Lindley
I wish that he had said, “homeless alcoholic”, but he didn’t. Instead, as our children played in their living room, and my wife and I visited with he and his wife, he said something else. Describing the neighborhood in which he worked, he said, “Every time you look out the back window you see a ‘drunk Native guy’ peeing against the wall”. His wife was horrified at the racial slur (my wife and children being Yup’ik). A blind man could have described the look on his wife’s face as she softly but sternly called his name in rebuke. Apparently he missed her correction as he talked right on through the awkward moment.
When a brother offends you
We had been closest of friends at one time. When we were young and liberal we had been roommates. Something had changed. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Luke 6:45). His mouth had betrayed what was really in his heart. I was hurt. I was embarrassed that my kids would be exposed to racism in what should have been a safe environment. I am not the type of person to be dominated by my feelings, so we finished our visit without retaliation, but the hurt was slow to leave.
Fight back with forgiveness
If we want to be Christians, we have to forgive. When Peter questioned Jesus about forgiveness Jesus responded with a teaching that most of us ignore. Follow along with the Bible: Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22 NKJV) That is 490 times that we are expected to forgive a person.
Why 490 times?
Actually that is the wrong question. The right question is, “Why did Peter say, ‘when my brother sins against me’?” When a stranger sins against us, it is easy to get them out of our lives. There is not much chance of them running up the score of 490 sins to our 0. The people that are more likely to sin against us are those that are close to us. Because they are close, it means that they are likely to offend us again in the future. Over the course of a lifetime, a friendship, or a marriage, the score may approach 490. Jesus was telling Peter, there is never a time when it becomes acceptable for us to withhold forgiveness.
You might as well be choking them to death
Jesus went on to teach Peter about forgiveness (Matthew 18:23-35). He told of a man who owed billions of dollars and could not pay it. The king he owed the money to asked for it to be repaid. The man could not. The king ordered the man, his wife, and their children to be sold as slaves to pay off some of the debt. The poor man fell before the king pleading with him for more time. “Lord, have patience with me and I will pay thee all”, the man said. The king was moved with compassion. “Forget about the money, consider the debt paid in full”, said the king.
One would think that the forgiven man would be forever changed by this. Unfortunately, we find out that right away he went to a man who owed him a small amount of money. The forgiven man literally grabbed his friend by the throat and began to choke him. “Pay up deadbeat!” In fact he had the friend thrown in prison.
The king found out about this episode. He was displeased. Soon the unforgiving man found himself in prison being tortured. He had failed to show the same measure of forgiveness that he had been shown.
Get your hands off of their neck please
Jesus was doing more than teaching Peter. He was crying out to us to forgive those who have hurt us. Jesus took the weight of our sin and bore it on the cross. He took every hangover morning, the tormenting shame of the sexually perverted, the confusion of the drug addict, the Monday morning wake up of the clinically depressed, the rage of the wife beater, the explosive pressure of the dish throwing wife, the repulsiveness of bitterness, the violence of victim hood, I could go on and on. Jesus took all of our sin and consequences upon himself.
As soon as I get mad at my friend for a racist remark, I am no longer rejoicing in what Jesus did for me. I am back in myself putting my hands on somebody’s neck (in the spirit) and saying, “That guy owes me and he had better pay.” Perhaps you have been deeply wounded. You may have been severely betrayed and abused as a child. It was so much more than a passing racist remark. It has tormented you all of your life. Listen to me. The only way to lift that torment from off of you is to forgive. The only way out of victim hood is victory in Jesus. If it is hard to forgive, pray for the one the hurt you. Ask Jesus to help you find forgiveness, he wants you to be made whole again! If you earnestly seek him, he will.
Reverend Tad Lindley is a minister at the United Pentecostal Church in Bethel, Alaska.
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